Not Just

Not Just A Mom

I have decided to eliminate the work “just” from my vocabulary.  

“Why would you do that?”  you ask.

Just is an unnecessary harmful word.  The thoughts and innuendos it makes one perceive are defining a harmful mental status in some.  It is a sneaky word that makes its way into the brain and can make you feel “less than” or “good enough’’.   It is a dismissive word.  Case in point...

“It’s just one more cupcake!  Whats the harm?’  

“This sweater is just $20.00 and it's on sale.  I had to buy it!”  

“It was just an accident.  I didn’t mean for the ball to hit him in the face.” 

Really, my disdain for the word all stems from an identity crisis.  We had moved to San Jose California for my husbands job.  It was going to be a great opportunity for him and so we packed up and sold the house and headed south.  He settled into his role as a manager for the company and I went out and found a new church and moms group for the kids and I.  We explored our surroundings and had fun getting to know new people.  Things were going great.  As a matter of fact, I was scared to move there from our quaint family oriented town of Chico.  I thought of it as a really bad Albuquerque New Mexico.  (I have preconceived notions.  If Albuquerque is a great place to raise a family, I don’t know.  I just don't want to live there.)  We were content.  The move went well and we all settled in to a routine.  

 

A year or so later the hubby came home and said, “Hey, a couple of us from work are going to Napa to run a half marathon in a few weeks, so, is that alright?  Do we have anything going on that I need to be aware of?”

“Nope.  it's all good.   Whose going.”  I asked.  I knew a couple of the people he worked with and I liked most of them.  A few names I didn’t know, but people were coming and going from training all the time.  I thought the run sounded fun.  I was a little jealous.  He had just gotten into running when we moved down there and I have always enjoyed it.It was my thing.  My sport.  

The day the crew left to head up to Napa, they were all meeting at

 one of the ladies houses.  So we packed up the kids and his stuff and headed over.  Jeremy was the only one that had kids, a family that was going. 

Max and Tori loved to go and see Ms. Meagan, CJ and Mr. Adam They were completely entertained.  The gals Jeremy worked with loved them.  They played with them and chased them around and had fun with them, and they always had candy.  There were a few people that I didn’t really know.  One of the new gals, tall, chesnut shoulder length hair, big brown eyes and very composed, came up to me and introduced herself. 

“You must be Jeremy’s wife.”  She said, looking me up and down.  

I shifted Tori to the other hip and stuck out my hand and said, “Yes, I am my name is Mitzi.  What’s yours.” 

“I’m Katie.”

“Right!  Jeremy has mentioned you.  You're new to Stryker.  Your work for CJ?”  I asked.  

“Yes, I do.” She replied.  Then, naturally, she asked, “and what do you do?”

“Oh!  I get to stay home with these two and take care of the house and whatever Jeremy needs too.”  I replied.  I loved staying at home and being a Mom.  

“So...your just a stay at home mom?”  

“Yup.  I am.”  I responded.

“Well, I guess I don’t need to waste my time talking to you.”  She flipped that dark hair, spun on her heel and walked away.  I was dumbfounded.  You know those times you wish you had a smart witty quip to say.  Yeah, I was speechless.  I had no reply.  I mean, what would you say to a person that said that to you.  I felt so small and insignificant.  Like what I did didn’t matter.  What type of person says that.  WTF man!  

Staying at home does matter and you do matter.  Any one who stays at home does work that matters.  Not just to their family but to society as a whole. 

After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I took the kids over to say goodbye, good luck, have fun to Jeremy and left.  He was oblivious to my attitude at that point.  I don’t recall what he said after I told him about my interaction with her.  But he has always been and will always be a huge supporter of me being at home and doing the work that matters.  Family first.  

Since that time, I have had plenty of opportunity to think about what my response would be.  Here it is for anyone that may need it. 

“Yes, I am a stay at home mom.  I am their mommy, thier teacher for their future.  A guide.  A playmate.  A confidant, Their doctor, driver, mediator.  I am the keeper of the remote control.  The battery changer.  The bathtub drawer.  The adventure in the park.  I am a planner, an organizer, a climbing structure.  I am their whole world and they are mine.  I am the keeper of tradition, the keeper of  the goldfish and fruit snacks.   What do you do? Ah, make phone calls and plan events?  Yeah, you know what? I do that too and so much more.  I AM THE MOTHER FUCKING MATRIARCH!” .